- the cast =
- jimmy, 25, white male, queens native, bad posture, lanky, rare possessor of endangered loud new yorker vocal patterns.
- harper, 29, black male, midwestern transplant, tall, well-built, quiet.
- jimmy: harper. seriously. what is your problem? why are you not hitting that? she's begging you for it.
- harper: I don't see it.
- jimmy: look. last time we were out, right? she comes in. now, I know, she hates me. she wouldn't give me the fucking time of day. but man, when you walked in the room, she was all over your shit.
- harper: (after a pause) see, I think I would have noticed if she was all over my shit.
- jimmy: she was desperate for your primal love, harper. she came up to you and was like "excuse me, harper, if you wouldn't mind, please align your penile unit with my vaginal unit and commence the thrusting."
- harper: I would definitely remember that.
- jimmy: what the fuck, harper? this is not the first time we've had this conversation.
- harper: we have this conversation every time we go out.
- jimmy: (considering this) lots of girls, harper, they want you to take them home, start grinding all up in their business.
- harper: yeah, sure.
- jimmy: no, I mean, hey, come on, this girl, this time, you know it's true, it's happened before, there's... there's a pattern here.
- harper: it's not true. besides, she's not my type.
- jimmy: what? if that's not your type, what is your type?
- harper: my girlfriend.
- jimmy: (considering this) well, okay. I mean, I didn't know you were... I mean, otherwise engaged, whatever. (another pause.) is it some kind of long-distance thing? does she live around here? or...
- harper: yeah, no, long-distance.
- jimmy: how long you been going out with her?
- harper: three years.
- jimmy: wow. you see her on weekends or what?
- harper: yeah.
- jimmy: so what you're saying is that she'd never know if you rode all up on this other chick.
- harper: ...what?
- jimmy: I'm just trying to help you out, here, man! maximize your options!
March 25, 2009, 9:54am Comments
